Confessions of a Yogi
I have a confession to make. I’ve been struggling with something for a while, keeping this dark secret from my yogi friends. Sometimes it even makes me feel like I’m not a “good” yogi.
I have back pain.
There, I said it.
I’m like millions who suffer with back pain and refuse to do anything about it. Until now.
Now, I’m coming clean and cleaning up my act.
Relieving Back Pain
My back pain started about 10 months ago. It crept up on me and affected my sleep, my attitude and my practice. I worked at healing myself with poses that I thought would rehabilitate my back. But they didn’t help much beyond short-term relief. I sought out other modalities, and nothing worked for the long haul.
So, I dove in. Deep. I took a good look inside my psyche and spiritual self. I acknowledged to myself that I was deeply troubled by the fact that my daughter was leaving for college and my role as mother would be changing. I uncovered a deep-seated sense of loss and began anticipating a yearning for her that was certain to come. My control over my progeny was diminishing (as if I actually *HAD* control, but that’s a subject for another post!).
Practicing Letting Go
With the source of my angst fully exposed, I was now able to do something about it. I began a practice of lovingly letting go. Of keeping in her my heart without trying to control her. Of acknowledging the fine person she has become without letting her growth detract from my own. Of realizing that this too is temporary, just like all of the other phases of our relationship.
As my letting go practice began to take root, an amazing thing happened. My back began to ease up. Poses that had become wrenching were now easier. Poses that had been off-limits were once again possible. I had made peace with my new role of “mother of a college student,” and my body had as well.
The journey is not yet over, but I’m on the right path. And so is she.
How about you? Have you ever struggled with letting go?